backtoschoolbacktoschool

As the summer comes to an end, an end for the college-bound, I am so glad to get out of this place. I've done my own laundry, other laundry, and a ton of cooking all summer. I still have all my towels, bedsheets, and winter clothes packed. Most of my clothes will be able to fit in a luggage. I have a few bins.

So now all I have to do is finish cleaning out my room, fanticize about grocery shopping and write my initials in the books I'll bring. (There's a lot more work than that but I'm not worried.)

I'll miss being in constant contact with old friends. From school, I became more conscious about my appearance as I met more people and had to make new acquaintances. I became a lot lazier about that as I was home.

So I guess after being so anxious about not doing anything, not doing anything didn't kill me. It's not happening next year.

Fashion. I don't know.

I've been looking up fashion. I'm not... the internet educates. I want to learn where no one can judge me. Isn't that pathetic? That we become creepers on online magazines and blogs, where everyone can read everyone else's opinion? Just to find out what our own opinion? But after everything, fashion is opinion. There are high-ups, who sell t-shirts for $200. I don't research them. I want to know, as a plus-sized young woman, what I can do to just look a little nicer. I'm just trying to explain this to myself. Because I'm still trying to understand plus-size fashion.

I'm trying to understand if it's about complementing and adding to a body or about hiding what you don't want people to see and excentuating the nice bits. It's probably both of them. And it's confidence.

I don't think, at the Macy's level, fashion is specifically about personal expression. There is one plus size section for anyone from 15 to 80, and more often than not, I feel like I'm sorting through clothes to find a blouse that doesn't look like a midlife woman giving up.

Would I feel more confident if I wore clothes that fit well, complimented and excentuated my body? Yes. Could that be as simple as wearing lucky socks? Maybe. It just sounds like there are ever-changing rules in this game of first-impression changing.

Daily Practice discoveries

I'm up to daily self-portrait 85 or so, and I haven't been posting them because I've been home all summer without a scanner. But I wanted to take some pictures and post some of the drawings that are in a style I'm beginning to see more of. It's made of straight lines and curves, and is very very geometric. I want to see how they translate into more three-dimentional drawings, but I like them so far.
#41 Lizy-Doll, #55 Bthing Suit Try-On, #77 Geometry trying to be more interesting, #79 Sitting on my hands, #80 Happy July 4th! (fireworks are scary)

Emotionally, most of these faces are hiding for one reason or another.


 

Vidja games

Here is an official list of things I want to finish*:

Advanced Wars
Fire Emblem
Super Mario Galaxy
Legend of Zelda: Windwaker
Maplestory - Aran up to level 120 by school
Ursula LeGuin's Earthsea books (3 more left)
Frankenstein
Painting my room

This is easily 100+ hours.



*Finish: Not 100%, but finish enough. If not finish before school, I'll try to bring them to college.

I can change I can change I can change I can change

Women, do we marry our fathers and become our grandmothers? Do we end up living the same lives as everyone who came before us? Do we inherit our anxieties and pessimisms, fighting them back with diagnoses? That's pessimistic.

The housepainting project included a wall behind a very heavy breakfront, filled with the Nice Stuff. My mother explained where each piece came from. My great-grandmother's plates, made in England. An important Italian trinket given out as a wedding reception gift. Glass from Corning Glass Factory. A rock painted gold.

I got to go to a hardware store today. I just felt this overwhelming rush of potential. Each thing can be used to make something.

It's starting to get late. I wanted to read before I fell asleep from exhaustion. But a week of painting and reorganizing and changing furniture hasn't slowed my pancake quest.

I hope anyone's reading this. I think I'm just writing them to keep up with writing (I haven't even written a dream-record in at least a month) and keep a record for myself.