fountain

listening to: little brother is singing Spoonman from rock band 2. and casey jones. its a rock band themed day.

ideas! the flow of ideas, the decisions of ideas. decisionmaking is definately something that this group should learn better. i think some people are confusing the colored mural Pandemic with the black and white mural Obleque Shuffle. obleque is such a fun word. there are still so many people who want to think before decisions.

there's a visual idea in the movie The Fountain, a scifi movie that goes between medieval spain/latin america, modern day, and some neoapocolypse. themes include death to life, and there's so much goddess worship... anyways, theres a scene (8:56) where hugh jackman's character in the future is praying to the tree that resembles life and his modern-self's love and his medieval-self's queen. he looks down at his arm and it has ink lines like tree lines. just the visual of that is so wondrously tribal and makes so much sense.

big and loud.

listening to: listening to the songs of cats dont dance. mostly looking at Big and Loud. which is great animation, and an interesting show business point of view. but the animation... the subtlety of the drawing! oh wow.

a mural with a direction! yay!

i was looking at the mural and noticed a poem that looked very familiar. then i realized that someone revised my poem and changed the tone/words. im not angry about it, but i wanna find the original poem for comparison and to find out what they felt about it.

report card came today. mom said i should really do better than a C+ in history, since she wants to be a history teacher. At the high school level, we've already learned everything they are teaching. We took 'American History' in 7th and 8th grade. plus I've seen too many History channel documentaries. 

to do:

ss hw. a new concept.

english reading. a midsummer night's dream. shakespeare is great when you open your mind to all the possible the meanings

starting walking to school in the morning. the hill is the hill, but mornings are relatively quiet and its nice not to rush anywhere.

the phone went through the wash and its okay. it now gets transferred to the list that includes my library card, a pile of change, a pen, a few bills, and movie/theater tickets.

in soviet russia, tv watch you.

Metropolis. new favorite movie. i feel like i need to see every other scifi movie to understand it better. i'd like a copy. that may involved wiping Derek the flashdrive clean, but its a chance i am willing to take. I would like to see it at least one more time, just to take notes on the shapes in the frames. 

i also like german expressionism a lot more than i thought i did. It makes sense- everything is so obviously understandable.

im interested in new workshops. i dont know what they are, but i do want to find out.

tomorrow: tea-staining newspaper. well, tea and a mix of yellowish watercolor. for the yellow.

a few ideas today: making a scrabble set out of keyboard keys. and developing the microwaved cake-in-a-mug to include oatmeal, which shouldn't be difficult.

i drew a few pics of metropolis and Freder, but the postits disappeared into the bubbling depths of an abyss. but i found this coupon on my fridge and a soviet russia book. it is important, when reading the coupon, to wonder who would need 3600 doughnuts. and why they would need 300 more. i really hope that math is right.

"BUILDING A CITY: WOMAN'S WORK

In Russia, as you can see, women enjoy complete equality with men. They drive buses, operate cranes and steam rollers, lay brick, operate lathes and even dig coal. More than 75 per cent of the doctors in Russia are women, and 70 per cent of the teachers are schoolmarms... This situation prompted Khrushchev to leek at the model American kitchen in the Moscow exhibit and say to Mr. Nixon, "We think so highly of our women that we never put them in the same class as capitalists." Later he added proudly, "Our women work." Low salaries make it almost imperitive for both husband and wife to be wage earners. Furthermore, there is little incentive for women to stay home and be housekeepers. In Moscow and other cities, "home" is likely to be one room of a three-room apartment, with bathroom and kitchen shared by all three families."

FROM Let's Travel in the SOVIET UNION, (c) 1960, renewed 1964.

salvaged from my grandparent's attic.

monster, phoneless, not fair

all-state scores came out today.

in the most childish, whining voice possible: IT'S NOT FAIR.

why should someone get a higher score than me for not doing nearly as much work? why should people not work for something, win, and be praised for it? this is terrible and IT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE. its in every profession and with anyone you work with.

and today was spent doing so many things so that i wouldn't have to think about it. a B+ is a good score, but its not progress from last year. and grades are terrible- they sum up time and energy into a little letter that means too much. and it's not like i have people chasing me around to work on things- i have my own standards and they are too high.

but i have things to work on.

microwaved chocolate cake works out better than i ever thought it would. all i have to do now is figure out a way to make it in the stac microwave. thats gonna be on may 12th, after the ap bio test.

mexico was hit hard this week, with swine flu and press and now an earthquake. the good thing, i guess, about all these outbreaks (mersa, swine flu, avian virus, e. coli) is that america is now fully prepared to deal with the inevitable supervirus of the 7th extinction.

my phone decided to disappear a few days ago. probably thursday or friday. i should be more worried, but im not. there are some people who would be going through epileptic shock at this moment. the only thing im worried about is that i'll miss a babysitting call/job opportunity, or that i wont remember a number. i should keep an external addressbook anyways.

there was a part of the book ive been reading for a few months where MainCharacter and Nemesis-Child teleport randomly onto a beach. He finds some gold things and pockets them. Then there's this monster who goes to attack him for stealing. but the monster like.. has a floral and beautiful scent that takes over your vision, too, so the Nemesis-Child gets confused. MainCharacter puts up telepathic blocks. the creature, in its description, looks nothing like what i drew/painted. there is some visual confusion around his left shoulder, and the profile drawing should really have a more muscular back, but i don't know the muscles of the back very well. too.. anthropomorphic, overall.

i have a good 6 hours of biology hw to do. about 1500 words. i would be fretting, but im not. on some sick level, ecology is interesting. plus i intend to vex the teacher with humans for 'animal examples'. she doesnt like that much.

Pareidolia: a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (often an image or sound) being perceived as significant.

Apophenia: the experience of seeing patterns or connections in random or meaningless data.

intersting.

allstate, bassoon day, kitchen experiments

all-state went fine. in terms of performance, I did a lot better than the last two years. I doubt I'll make it, but that's not my concern anymore. i got my scales right, i played a decent solo, and i bombed the sight reading. now back to designing and drawing and making.

started impromtu-cooking/baking/frying. it's not exactly learning how to cook, its more like experimenting with working without a recipe. and staying generally out of the region of kraft's mac and cheese, and adding some flax for Omega-3s, using heat in different forms. i'm trying to understand... the basic happenings of cooking and baking and general flavor. it definately beats making rice for dinner.

i finally got a copy of 'Bassoon Reed Making: An Illustrated Basic Manual by Christopher Weait. i got to meet him at bassoon day, and his wife had a table with crafts. Mr. Fox, from Fox bassoons, was there with some new models. he had one of the teachers play each different model, explain the differences (this one has more baritone sound, this one more tenor).

and i got to interact with people my own age. i even started and kept up a conversation.

started cleaning out the craft supply store under the bed. found a heavy home depot givecard. it will hopefully go towards a cheap drill set.

opening this blog to the general public.

realistically not expecting people to read it.

let us undefine the stac-room. 'hangoutplace'- we're teenagers, so it happens. but as a 'studio', it becomes more of a workplace. it also becomes special, something only we have. a studio is an arts place, where things are made. ideas are great- but without making them, they are only ideas.

ive been reading a book about making ideas happen written by the imagineers, but it covers a lot of art- community brainstorming, positively effective brainstorming.

ive started thinking about how stacNight is going to be set up. we should start setting it up soon, stick with it, and perfect the original ideas. if only to make up for the lost time from the staclive.

im very interested too see megan's piece grow.

student teachers not learning anything. good paradox.

had to leave a couple of good drawings in school. one of them was taken away by a college student who's fair, but overzealous attempt at teaching a class was crushed by teenagers not wanting to do anything. it was a good drawing, too. I hope she learns something about dealing with doodlers who do work. most likely, she won't know what to do or- the usual reaction- disregard the fact that I wasn't listening to her but still did the work.

my mom found a very large Al Hirshfeld book in my grandparent's attic. i got to flip through it.. and his style can fully take over. its so easy to mimic, but you can never quite get what he had. also, copying styles and understanding his point of view can help with my understanding of cartooning and of lines.

started doing paper-cutouts with Ganes's single-edged razor and construction paper. if i get at least one design a day during lunch, I'll learn how to cut paper-curves in no time.

tales and whales

ive been looking at some artwork and portfolios of people accepted this year into CalArts. It's interesting to see what I have to work on, and what the admissions office looks for. at this point, i'm going to send in a portfolio for the experimental animation program as well. As long as i have a good lifedrawing portfolio and other works to add. The experimental animation department is more individually-based, and not story-based. But I like having a free-er portfolio. There's a portfolio and a sketchbook.

it is so good to hear from an artist who seems very comfortable with himself. its comforting to us that Warner's so sure about things, and has the limits and dignity of a true artist, and can tell us his story. it's also good for us to hear the reality that can happen- living at home and going to auditions and not holding a job.

new Tim Burton movie coming out this year, 9. about ragdolls saving a post-apocolyptic future. online at this point there is a trailer and a 2-minute clip of an action sequence that parallels Shelob from lord of the rings. there are so many good ideas in the movie, though.

I've been practicing a few hours a day. I think I can do it, but I'm going to make sure I'm ready. I'm fine not 'getting into' all-state (my face is already on a wall from an act of hard work), I just want to have a good performance. trying to think about my piece in terms of story, and it helps with keeping the ideas of the piece together, because Saint-Saens's Sonata for Bassoon is everywhere.

the indifferent-whale-drawing. from top left clockwise: dinosaur design, angry whale, baleen whale, glenn's indifferent whale, my indifferent whale. failwhale. so much- anatomically- is wrong with these drawings. ink and pencil. A very good bamboo quill.

bandit

Drawn on paper lunch bag. White paper didn't feel quite right. a little too blank. It's not really my style, but more of a generic comicbook/cartoon style. rowan atkinson nose ^_^.

essays, practice, draw with markers

started college essays in english. finally a chance to express myself with story! i think the best method for writing these essays is writing as many as possible.

lots of muscle-memory involved in bassoon practicing for all state. i think ive memorized one of the pieces. in performance, you can only as good as your worst, so i have a lot of practicing to do. and then i have sats and ap bio to study. time management!

i should keep a few idea-decks obstuctions? obtrusions? around. we should make our own. i want to make my own. 104 cards, lets see if we can't add another deck to that. or write them on crayons from a ginormous pack of crayons.

inbetween.

An inbetween is a thing that is between two opposites. it may not have a name, because it doesnt have an opposite to define it by what it isn't.

its like explaining 'gray' to a newpaper. the newspaper has no word for it, because it doesnt have an opposite. and its never seen gray, so gray is an abstract concept to a newspaper.

its the color between red and orange on colored pencils that doesnt have its own name, so its called red-orange.

its a feeling between feelings that has no name. the time between one page of a book and the next when a page is turned. its the lost time when you sleep and the period between dreaming and waking.

its the microsecond of air through an instrument before the sound. the thing between sound and no sound, when you anticipate the sound.

its a damn interesting idea. probably someone else's, but under a different name. its open to things like a king of the inbetween realm, a person from that universe, an inbetween god rather than a defined-thing god.

how many more days.

I started drawing on Chinet plates with magic markers. I need more plates and more markers.

i have a lot to do. i have to figure out how im gonna get it done. i have to edit my movie, i have sats and aps to study, i have a ss paper. i have all state to practice for, i'm not ready. i have school. im done for school this year. i have so many other things i have to do, sitting in class doing nothing for at least four hours is not worth the time anymore.

i need to write a story this summer. at least a screenplay, at most a storyboard. i have to work on drawing-anatomy for my portfolio, i want to start living at the bronx zoo to understand animals.

there was this philosophy in a fiction book ive been reading since mid february. it was about dealing with things like animals do, accepting the now and your place in the now. how yeah, sure, its raining. that means that you will be wet and cold. and that you need to stop thinking of your problems and worries and look around and breathe and listen and be. its a messy room with too many books and the pollen is thick outside and the shovel has disappeared and the kids down the block are playing with the little white dog. i think that's a taoist belief. i dont know. i feel like i should meditate a bit.

drawing

calarts is just a bit bigger than herricks, contained in a single huge building, and is scary. i want it so bad. its going to be a lot of work. there's a site run by an animation alumni that's basically CalArts students helping out prospective students with their portfolios. I spent 2 hours in a figure-drawing class in the animation department while visiting, and i posted some drawings from there and a few of the more recent drawings, like green bathingsuit girl and the lovecraft monster (i wonder if that design can be totally fine-tuned, and then used in an illustration exercise... right. in my spare time). anyways i got a reply right away with 'darn good movement. study anatomy more.' which is good (i guess). it was a brash decision to post my own work where people will definately see it (rather than, say, deviantart), and getting actual replies with suggestions from people my own age who went through this 'phase of drawing' is pretty daunting.

i'm going to have to find figure-drawing classes over the summer and next school year. FIT, probably, b.c their high school program is the cheapest (per credit) and its pretty easy to get to by train (i think).

she has no face or hair and the hand it terribly out of proportion, but i guess its a decent attempt. across two pages and i couldn't find tape. i sort of understand what she's supposed to look like, but that's not what she does look like.

rug of books.

leaving tomorrow. too excited. im glad i havent developed the female tendency to pack everything in sight.

there are too many books in my house without a home. most are in cabinets, piles, on the floor of my room, or stocked with other books on unorganized shelves. im thinking about starting a petition for a set of bookshelves for the basement. not the new ones with stylish colors, but ones that make no sacrifice for practicality.

I was watching mulan this morning. Mulan, a woman, fails at the art of tea, water. she is helped by the ancestors, statues of stone. the villain has a hawk (air) and burns down villages. in the end she uses a rocket (fire and air) to bring down an avalanche, made of snow (water) from the mountain (earth). ruler of two worlds.

I found the Lovecraft story that my monster is based on. He comes from the Outsider, which is generally about a monster or ghoul figuring out that everyone is running away from him. interesting idea. now he is more worked-on, but still incomplete. the fire at the bottom was drawing with the blackened wick of an easter vigil candle. Fire drawn with ashes. heh. i looked up the amount of vertebrae and i still have a few more anatomy things to look up. i should know something's form before i start screwing with the shapes. plus this is a great opportunity to use my reference books. that are on the floor.

the hands just arent right. not mechanical enough. need to get at least 3 more drawings of him, at more angles for the legs. Minotaur legs. when he moves, it should sound like the wirey sound when you move around those wooden drawing figures.

baking-for-easter day

there are the in-betweens places and the actual places. airplanes are in-between places. that moment when you don't have balance while switch from one foot to another is an in-between place. the time between throwing out an apple core and finishing it is in-between.

there is also a belief in my art that if I do not understand Something, I cannot successfully convey Something to the audience. if I do not understand the shape of a nose as I draw it, how can i successfully shade the nose so that it has a more definite shape? I only lead the audience to view a indefinite nose, which they fill in the shape for themselves. The problem is that without defining things, the audience will not come to the same conclusion about things.

moleskin named mark.

FILMING OF SOuL Candy IS COMPLETE! and i've got some great drawings from the moleskin. im finding that the fold of the page doesn't matter much to me. it's not like the difference between the pages of a spiral notebook, it's almost a clean change from one side to the other. these are with a 'papermate sharpwriter', the mechanical pencil that is colored like a regular pencil. i've named this first book Mark, because that was the name of the gospel reading that day, and this is St. Rose of Lima from the choir loft. it's interesting to recognize the small differences between each apostle's telling (or some monk in europe's telling) of Jesus's death. I like the Superstar version, because it doesn't just blame Judas.

the monster from a Lovecraft story, who doesnt realize that everyone around him is running away from him. not monstrous enough. looks more like the sympathetic igor-zombie (different parts and brought back from dead) from a teen scifi book i forgot the name of. i needed to get the close-up of his eyes, and i need to get his body at different angles. i was going to have fangs, but the eyes said no. and a lady from the restaurant. and some SOuL Candy doodles.

i havent caught up on sleep from school yet, and on long, warm car rides i'll end up thinking between dream and awake. the only reason i know this is because ill be going through schedules or problems yet to solve and somehow get sidetracked and stop and realize wasn't i here in a dream before? haven't i thought in this method in a dream before? then i'll be awake.

thinking about the new mural-story-boardgamelooking project. first, my own story, then rewriting and redefining it through a children's story that people can relate to.

sketchbook 'between quilts' is at school

my sketchbook is in school. all i have now is a 3 x 5" moleskin sketchbook. which i really like now. i named it Mark. its easier to draw on, and like, the smaller book doesnt bother me much. smaller just means i 

shooting SOuL Candy tomorrow. reallly really excited. i'll get really anxious, though, when people inevitably don't show up on time for things. im prepared, too. i have most of my things, contacted my actors, charged the camera to 3 hours of battery life. its a sexy camera.

came in contact with a tinyurl virus. or the Conficker april fool's virus, that's just a bit late because people arent as stupid as cyber-masterminds think they are. its pretty ingenious: you recieve an im from someone about a photo and a link to tiny url. if you open the link and start the download, you are automatically signed off, the virus does something to your system, and it sends the virus to everyone on your buddy list (by signing you on without consent). beautifully cyclical.

*testosterone

calarts visiting, star trek life themes, petty argues

"Hi Lizy- I'm sorry- I completely overlooked your email.  If you tell me which program you are interested in I can tell which classes might be available."

head -> desk. repeat. but im going to visit a class!

yes! cleanliness in an unclean place!!

there was a star trek movie on today that had Kirk and Picard working together to beat a guy up because he was gonna blow up a star, and a planet with people, so that this cosmic wave of joy (literally) could sweep over him. But it was about how total happiness is a bad thing (the rest of your life will be terrible by comparison). And it was about not regretting things that you didn't do (picard regrets not having a family).  .

tommy and glenn are arguing. it basically comes from both of them realizing they have pretty different views about relationships and love and values. ive become sort of a sink for glenn's rants, and i hear tommy's responses through regina, his girlfriend. both of them are wrong, and both are right. but they should really resolve this or at least come to a compromise, and stop using words i use to describe the other's feelings as insults. both claim the other is immature, but they both are. its an adrenaline-fuelled identity crisis.

magazine geraldine (thats her name)

i need to dig out the charlie chaplan dvd set. the movement was amazing. the music was amazing- you don't get music like that anymore.

my english teacher did the equivalent of giving me a magazine, scissors, glue, a character and said GO. Most of the colors are backgrounds from National Geographic. i now realize just the little bits of cubism in here. different angles of things in the same picture.

pic

picture: from my brainstorming. the lower right is right hand, the rest is left hand. just trying to brainstorm.

mediation

interesting new project idea. very interesting idea. i have my idea for my section, but there are a few stories i need to read first before i can attempt to explain myself with a story.

its my hair and its my clothes and its trying to figure out how i work as a girl, and as a woman, and not just as 'female' (which is a scientific term anyways). how i percieve myself in those terms, too. i was thinking about doing the story of my hair and finally making a decision to let it down and all that stuff, but its only part of the big thing. its not a finished story, but its an encompassing one, and i can probably think of temptations and threshold guardians. also, the second i thought of it, it was the 'terrible idea' that has to be fulfilled. im thinking of cinderella and a monster story about image from Lovecraft. its not like im not busy, though.

tangent.

just saw Akira. now i sorta wish i hadnt. there's so much rubble. rubble and water/smoke. everywhere. every scene has some rock or concrete breaking and moving. its a nightmare. great subtleties in the acting/animation, too. and the music worked so well. i want to see the dubbed version as well, just to see what different meanings can be assigned to the lines, but i probably won't have time for a few weeks. i hopefully wont have time. to have time. in a pocket. full of posies. ashes ashes we'll all die from the black plague...

got to thinking about gnosticism in church. found that a lot of books and movies ive liked were connected to gnostic ideas. Alan Moore's works, HP Lovecraft has some gnostic-type deities, FullMetal Alchemist, AEon Flux. but there's also the consideration that some themes are pretty broad, so many movies/books may allude to the themes.

not tomorrow till i say it is

finished batman beyond: return of the joker. once regular and once with commentary. actually went frame-by-frame in a few places, just to understand 'punch' and 'kick' and extremely fast facial expression changes. i liked the Mr. Freeze batman movie better. Freeze is so much of a better character than the batman beyond batman.

the nick workshop. i got to organize things, hopefully the email was sent out with what everyone was doing when. i feel ready for this. i just need an old man.

too late to start up the scanner.

follies

sorta blew it today. i didn't want to fight, i didn't want to get other people involved because this is just a personality clash. what im going to do it talk to him. apologize and try to work something out. he can fight if he wants, but fighting isn't going to get a film done. i think what got me was when he told me to go look for any girl to be in Nick's film. its a small, stupid thing but it got to me a lot more than it should have.

found an article on cnn called 'progress is slow in the war against autism'. autism is not something to declare war on. its probably been around forever, before it had a name.

just screwing around with proportions. the hands aren't where i want them to be. like, in terms of level of drawing. i think that's a shadow at her feet. not sure.

meaning with context

meaning through context. i must learn how to use this. perhaps this could be some missing link i still have to find out.

after All-state auditions, i plan to spend a lot of time finishing the art project from the beginning of the year with the watercolor people. it needs a title. and i was thinking about how that could be framed or shown. and what if every person was individually cut out and framed? this lead to 'invisible portraits', a series that's just different frames that suggest personality. i also have two 4-panel, weathered windows i want to use for an art project. i don't know what i'd do to them. paint them, keep them dirty, paint a reflection in them. something general so that people put their selves into it.

its so interesting to hear what people talk about with the pictures, because sometimes they just say something that's just a bit off and it ends up revealing a lot about them.

a tree pattern that i found on an agenda book of this girl i don't really know. i really need to copy it from her book exactly, these aren't right. they're just very geometrically shaped trees. there's something with the branch-lines extending to the edge thats just so interesting. tinted green/yellow. and there's a part of Walter's leg. he's not yet done- he still needs to be colored.