listening to music for the feeling of it.

I take sociology, psychology, and economics. my other classes are ART. A lot of times, the academics blend together. I think I understand sociology more than psychology. I can trust the predictability of a large group of people, not a single person.

Back in middle school I think I went through a phase that would have been emo if I'd come out of the introspective bubble. I was just lost in the sea of Middle School politics and didn't have the skills to understand people. On some level, I could say to myself "Isn't it great that I'm unique?". On another level, not being part of your own society felt unnatural.

In high school, I started drawing a lot. People. People are so interesting. I found a great book on basic nonverbal cues. I got better at drawing and seeing and recognizing cues. I'm still working on it. Try understanding the intricacies of conversation: how to start and end, how to break away, how to subtly hint at things. There are so many social things I still have to learn.

As an artist, this is my Golden rule.

NEVER PUT DOWN YOUR OWN WORK.

How many people break that rule? Too many.

time, batman, shakespeare, Klee squares

it is 1:42AM at the current moment, the night of may 1st. technically, it is may 2nd, but that's by regimental time and not by biological time.

there was this god-awful batman tv show on today, and its plot was the same as an episode of magic school bus: person is ill, shrink to microscopic level to kill microorganisms. but this time, aquaman (a gung-ho mascot of the sea) and the atom (physicist doctor who likes plans) had to team up together and all that yada. at one point, aquaman calls a white blood cell for a steed to get through the capillaries, and names him 'platelet'. Atom says, 'that's fine, but it's a lymphocyte.' and i realized how much biology i know and what of it Ill be able to use after the AP exam.

yesterday i saw Toy Story, and realized just how amazing certain parts were. the little green men culture with the Claw, Mrs. Nesbit. Treasure Planet was also on today, and it may be one of the greatest versions of that story ive seen/read. The Great Illustrated version is good, and the Muppet version is... the Muppet version, but i mean treasure planet! dayamn that has nice characters.

reading a Midsummer Night's Dream in english. shakespeare makes so much more sense. there is enough information to get the point and story across, but there is also so much that is left to the imagination to fulfill. i, personally, think of Oberon and Titania as a cross between lord of the rings elves, troll dolls, and ancient pharohs.

i came back from seeing Wolverine. I read in the times that it was a bunch of action sequences with minimal story, but i got to check a few things off my list. 'Goddess' was checked off, 'Rejection of the Call', 'Belly of the Beast', 

i got pretty worked up today about not knowing what was happening with the squares of the mural. 'blending colors' can mean so many different things, and overactive imaginations don't exactly narrow down the meaning. i'm glad that i got to get my group to the color-blending point, as in we each had paint and tiles and assigned colors for each side. i wasnt really steady with people going 'what do we do now?' to me, as if i speak a magical language of art. i didnt like my tile. red and green clash too much, and it didn't feel right.

i would have preferred each person has a tile, with Klee-squares of their own color, and some connecting shapes/pattern into the next tile.

i like the tile projects a lot, though.

i'm really trying hard not to 'read people' from their artwork in regular art class. i'm pretty sure one girl at my table thinks people are all the same inside, and another girl sees people as steadiness in a changing (colorful) world. its so interesting.

i may be rejected from taking AP Psych next year due to not-A history grades. i don't understand what psychology, as a course, has to do with history. i understand why i needed to get a B or more in regents bio and chem to get into AP bio, but AP Psych is a whole nother sport. plus i intend to take the course to learn, not so that i can put it on a resume.

fountain

listening to: little brother is singing Spoonman from rock band 2. and casey jones. its a rock band themed day.

ideas! the flow of ideas, the decisions of ideas. decisionmaking is definately something that this group should learn better. i think some people are confusing the colored mural Pandemic with the black and white mural Obleque Shuffle. obleque is such a fun word. there are still so many people who want to think before decisions.

there's a visual idea in the movie The Fountain, a scifi movie that goes between medieval spain/latin america, modern day, and some neoapocolypse. themes include death to life, and there's so much goddess worship... anyways, theres a scene (8:56) where hugh jackman's character in the future is praying to the tree that resembles life and his modern-self's love and his medieval-self's queen. he looks down at his arm and it has ink lines like tree lines. just the visual of that is so wondrously tribal and makes so much sense.

follies

sorta blew it today. i didn't want to fight, i didn't want to get other people involved because this is just a personality clash. what im going to do it talk to him. apologize and try to work something out. he can fight if he wants, but fighting isn't going to get a film done. i think what got me was when he told me to go look for any girl to be in Nick's film. its a small, stupid thing but it got to me a lot more than it should have.

found an article on cnn called 'progress is slow in the war against autism'. autism is not something to declare war on. its probably been around forever, before it had a name.

just screwing around with proportions. the hands aren't where i want them to be. like, in terms of level of drawing. i think that's a shadow at her feet. not sure.

listening to japanese metal-screamo.

visiting CalArts the mon-wed after easter. trying to set up a tour, information session (with the head of the film/video school, for animation), and a class sit-in in the same couple of days.

gotta love tommy, but he exasperates me. i like scripts, i like planning things out before doing them, i dont think a movie can be done on improv. but he has a certain idea in his head. he can have all the ideas he wants. he's gotta tell people that no, that wasn't quite right, just do it a bit in this direction. i dont like the idea in his head that im some useless person. yes, i probably could understand that chaos theory book, thank you. yes, i would like to look at that book on design. "but its about economical stuff you dont like." i cant have these arguments out loud because you can't argue with someone who knows that they are right.

sigh the film will be over soon. i can only try my best.

wubba wubba wubba wubba woo woo woo

Freakish appeal

Beauty, love, ppppppp

q K  R [swirl] Like monsters

In attics

Looking @ mirrors

Discarded + broken

b/c they are monsters

to themselves, only

you're your own mirror

i hope the groups work out. i just have the feeling that i'll end up doing most of the work. im not scared of making choices for creative things. and i guess if people have problems with ideas or decisions, they can complain- as long as they have a solution that everyone or no one is happy with.

this is an older man with a fur hat. no idea. tried more of a 'realistic' approach. pen, about 3 minutes.