I'm gonna go draw something and collapse.

sociology

Every once in a while, my digestive system forgets who it is and has an identity crisis. This can result in anything from not being able to ingest even water to being able to eat the simple food. Thank god for goldfish and applesauce. No pills. Not until you need them. There are too many pills today.

I've been getting a lot of applications finished. I want them done by Thanksgiving.

Sociology class drawing. I really did take notes. Everything is so off-center, because I turn my book when writing/drawing. It's on the desk.

Top: "Ya know what's funny? Bowling with other geometric shapes."

I'm in the second row. More drawings from that class:

A is for Apple, and a cravat study.

chicken chaser.

Drawing. Girl with chicken legs. They aren't real chicken legs, because I didn't find a picture to figure out what chicken legs look like, but the idea is there.

We did a drawing exercise with negative space. A lot of it didn't make sense to me because I define things by negative space. I don't see them separately. And I feel like there's always the concept of in between. The thing or idea between two opposites. Like the 'line' you draw to separate thing from not-thing.

#201

This is a celebration of a day. This is also post number 201.

I drew some nice, extremely realistic objects today, and I'm realizing that I have extremely separate 'cartoon' drawing and 'realistic' drawing. There are just so many options, and I need to get a basic structure. Start from the beginning, develop the stick figures, move on.

I'm figuring out college processes with my mom because I'm so lost.

There's gloom and doom while things go boooommmm..... in Dexter's Lab!!

I want to cook on halloween. Chicken soup and pork and garlic bread and pumpkin muffins. And I don't want to use a recipe for them. It'll be practice for thanksgiving. I don't really have anything else to do. Anyone can come over, if they want. It'll be a regular dinner party.

The best thing about making the movies, I think, is that there weren't any big egos getting in the way. That has definitely happened before. I thought the chronological shooting worked better for us- we understood the story better. I don't understand how anyone can shoot a film unsynchronized without a storyboard telling them what to do next. I can't wait to work in a new film group.

Been working on a scifi epic that keeps me busy. I'm working with the history, starting from a Mars-colony revolution. My basic concept is that history repeats itself, broadly, and space travel will make time longer. Now, everything in instantaneous. But in Middle Earth, Boromir travels a hundred days to Rivendell. This change in the perception of time is important. It's like different planets in the future are different countries in Europe in the middle ages.

I have a lot of information I don't have opportunities to use.

All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

So I guess this has been a crappy weekend. Crappy few months. My dog is dead and that's the end of it and I've had my sadness and it's time to move on. I guess that's a strong statement, but I don't know any other way of doing things. I'm not 'picking up the pieces and getting stronger', because I've already collected pieces, glued it back together, and now I have to think through things.

I was thinking about a sketchbook. I don't technically have one right now. I have a thin-paper book, an older unfinished book, and a 18 x 24 newsprint pad I've been using for figure-drawing and idea-writing. I don't draw everything in the same place, and lately, things are just looking like crap.

I'm thinking of restructuring my life. I want to see how far I can push it. Zach said that it could limit creativity if I took it too far, but one of the reasons I want to schedule things is so that I have more time for the creative stuff.

Blank hug.

Story, the Risk game.

listening to 72 degrees and sunny, WALL-E soundtrack.

This week has been crazy. There have been so many ups and downs.

I don't know which one goes first, because it will affect the context of the next point.

I loved filming today. I like not being in the picture, I like making connections and working through mistakes and adding little quirks to things. Not having a script was hard to deal with, but the sequential filming made more sense in my mind. Filming in order also helped us make sure the story worked, and that we didn't forget anything.

My dog is dying. He's old and he has cancer and it hurts him to move. It's an anxiety that I try not to think about. We've had him for at least a decade, and he's been sick for a few months, so it's not sudden. But the waiting is so hard.

The house will be empty.

I can't say it's not fair, because this is what happens. I can't say I didn't have time to say goodbye.

But my world is gonna be a little off for a while.

Last summer I made a map of The Moud, which is a continent I made up as I went along. It came out really nice, so I'm making another one, but smaller. Then, I'm gonna make a Risk board, but with Grimm fairytale landmarks, 200 years after the stories. The kingdom set up by Rapunzel will still bear her name, and there will be a desert nearby, with the tower marked off.

I need 40 countries. The goal is to make a usable playing board. It would be the finale of my fairytale pieces. I also need to make cards for them.

tea and spiders.

There is a giant spider sitting on its giant web outside my window. I'm gonna call it a 'she', because she-spiders are normally large. I took a picture, but all I got was a silhouette because I don't know how to use my camera. I also want to take a picture tomorrow morning- the sunrise's shades of purples and pinks are beautiful. 3rd floor room.

The magazine article. I've spoken to dina, and I seem to be writing about the most comfortable places to drink a good cup of tea. If you know of a teashop besides Witch's Brew, MoJoe's, or Tea and Sympathy, do tell.

I can't wait to go to the city this weekend. I may be shopping. And if not, I'll be drawing.

TOURISTS! PREPARE TO DIE!!!

I baked two identical loaves of bread yesterday, and today there was only one left. I will definitely be baking bread more. It's incredibly cheaper than buying bread. Now, if only I could make my own peanut butter, the world would be a better place.

A deleted scene from Lilo and Stitch. This is a pencil test (fully stolen from The Pencil Test blog), which means that these are the drawings from the animators, without the inking and coloring.

"Does girl control ocean?"

This prompted me to take out the ol' Lilo and Stitch dvd. I haven't seen this movie for a few years. This is how to not get your homework done.

concerts and consistancies.

There are a lot of things. First, is that I went to my first real concert. 4 bands played, but people went to see Ludo. I've been to Peter Paul and Mary concerts, I've been to Warped tour, but this was a nice room with really decent people. Everyone sang every song ludo played. And I feel like I learned a lot about lighting from the stage.

I was singing along with this soft song, Topeka, and afterwards this girl in front of me turns around and says 'you have a beautiful voice'. And I was like 'umm... thanks'. It was unexpected, but it actually made me feel good.

At Penn station afterwards, i witnessed a young guy trying to ask out this woman, but apparently she only spoke spanish. He said 'you know, only 30% of what I'm saying is words', which i was gonna high-five him for. She didn't understand a word, politely walked off to her train.

People smile because there's danger. Because in apes, when you show teeth, it means there's danger. That's why men like slapstick- it's physical danger. I don't know where the joy is from, but I've started using a smile to show that something's wrong. I want to see who will get it.

pointalism

I'm going to the Ludo concert tomorrow, so i've been listening to their music. There's a rock opera, Broken Bride. It's about a guy who goes back in time to save his love, forward in time, saves the world from a dragon-apocolypse, and is granted his wish- to see his girlfriend one last time. I didn't realize the last part. He goes through this epic battle against zombie armies and dragons and then he's singing softly about being with her, after he spent so long trying to deal with her death.

Today we talked about drawing symbols versus drawing the actual shapes. I don't agree- I think everything drawn is a symbol of something. Some symbols just have a lot more observation and detail. You can't draw the real thing, you can only make markings on paper that look like something. That's one of the reasons I don't really do much sculpting: I make illusions, not real things.

This is the pointalist piece. The camera destroyed the colors. It's not done yet.

sets

I'm almost done with the Book (or Part) 1 of Lord of the Rings, meaning I have about four to go and I'm about halfway through the Fellowship. Book 2 has the Rivendell Council, and I can't wait.

Today, about eight STAC people went to theater workshops at Adelphi college, and we sort of had an awakening. It wasn't 'we're better than everyone'. It was more like 'wow we really have learned a lot of important art culture'. Personally, I didn't learn a whole lot of new things about making props or stage makeup or scene painting. I should have signed up for classes I didn't know anything about.

I realize I can be decently egotistical sometimes, but I try not to make people feel bad. And I really hope it doesn't get in the way of my work.

UPDATE ON CHILDREN'S SHOW SET

I duct-taped a bedsheet to my ceiling, turned off my light, and put my night-stand light behind it. I'm so happy the idea works. Now, I just wish I could get a flood light and a larger sheet, and get the powers above to approve of my light-cloth-cardboard set.

John is terrorizing my paper-city. The paper isn't really solid.

I found out how to turn off flash in the later ones, rather than covering it up.

The idea has quite a few flaws in it. This is okay for little kids, but regular kids (6-8) are probably gonna want something more substantial. Thanks, Zach, for bringing me down to ground.

I got to see my grandparents today. They're in their 80s, and my grandma is forgetful. It's not Alzheimer's, but it's still kinda sad. It's almost like being in the twilight zone. She'll repeat parts of conversation over and over. We still answer, for politeness, but it's still sad.

There was a character in my brother's show, "Street Scene", who I really like. He was a taxi driver, and a bully, but he also wanted what he couldn't have. And he knew why: because he was a taxi driver and a bully, and that's all he knows to be.

I like that 'knowing you can't have it because you know you're a bad person' idea for a character. Very Beauty and the Beast.

About figure drawing.

About figure drawing: the first time i had the experience was at a relatively empty class at Calarts, when I visited. In STAC, we had just learned a few months worth of myth, and the figure-drawing was a spiritual experience. It still is, to some level. And over the summer, at the FIT course, I learned so much. And I like being in a place with artists. And I like learning something new about the body every time I look up from my paper.

Appearantly, my cross-hatchings are really realistic:

This is from earlier in the summer:

And this is from yesterday:

I think this is from seeing a lot of etchings, done by some pretty crazy artists. Let's call this the 'hyper-realistic' drawing. Both pictures use the same kind of pen, too- Pilot V7. Or V5. Anyways, I feel like i show a better understanding of a person as a 3-dimensional figure in these. I think I'll do more of these.

I also want to find out more about my own style. What kind of eyes work best? I switch. How far do I want proportions go? I need to figure that one out, too.

The only way to do that is to keep drawing.

Taking crayons seriously.

Life-Drawing. As a moderate warning, these are naked people. It's not porn. At least, to me it isn't. Some of these I really like, some of them are just showing how amazingly crazy this model was. Definitely a dancer. But these are the best out of the 30-ish drawings today.

Experiments in crosshatching. As a note, his head really was that shape. There were boxes everywhere, because I wasn't early enough for a decent seat. The second 5min has little sense of balance, but I like other parts of it.

1 min, 2x 5 min, 20ish min, 10min, 20 min.

300

My mom asked me about the movie 300. She's student-teaching world history. SETUP FOR DISASTER.

Young disney people talking basically about CalArts. Thank you, forum people.

The new psych project is about the progress of relationships. That's more specific than his definition. I was thinking of starting from the end, and working my way back through a relationship. In comic form. Inked. Keeping things general will probably be my best bet. It's been a while since I've tried a comic project.

Recipes:

French Toast

Grilled Cheese

Croutons

Toasted Italian Bread

Breadcrumbs

poetry, and the importance of blogging.

The blogs came up today in STAC, and yes, I do read them. I feel like blogs are written so that someone listens to you. So I'm here to listen. Because it's important.

I found a wonderful place today: there are desks behind the reference section of the library. No one knows where they are, so I get a whole quiet place to myself, with reference books. I went through about 5 or 6 looking up late 30's fashion. There's a whole Tom and Jerry episode- The Zoot Cat.

STAC magazine article idea: simple, quick recipes that save money. Like '5 things to do with a loaf of bread'.

We wrote poems today that were supposed to be random. Not random, but stochastic. Random, but with a sense of 'what are the odds of that??'. My poem, with a touch of editing. Starts with someone else's line.

costume designs.

Some slightly rushed costume designs. At this point of the children's show, these are probably not correct anymore, since the script is being edited again. The presentation and discussion today was amazing, and the resulting changes in the show will probably make Caged Bird pretty damn decent.

What's being changed:

VIVIAN: she's not really poor anymore, which leaves me at a loss because it's so open. Maybe something more bird-like? The colors also remind me too much of the flag. late 30's fashion is something to look up. The clock-belt stays. Although the big-headed picture was second, I think the layered skirt looked nicer in the normal-headed picture.

COMMISSIONER: He has a straight, long coat (like Gormogon), because he isn't really out on the streets. He can look a little swankified. The mustache is gonna be good.

GORMOGON: got this one straight-on. The buttons have to be red. Has to be purple. Secondary colors are EVIL. I like the 'he knows things. He's an information guy' aspect. He really is a damn good villain.

JAMES: after hearing his part and looking at it again, the shorts have to go. He's not a child, and no one really treats

him like one. The vest stays. The pot-hat must go. Maybe. I like the vest, and the shirt is just about finding something white and dying it yellow with tie-dye colors.

After Halloween will be a good time for costume shopping. Then, I can get the mustache and silly hats. I also need to figure out costumes for Fiveheads, the minion, and Fabio the makeover man.

what about

I feel like ignoring responsibilities and watching pixar movies all night. But I need to paint some primal costume designs and come up with a list of set design limitations.

I feel like my standards are so high I can't reach them and only DaVinci and Schiele can touch them. I feel like I can do anything, so why am I doing this? It can always be better. Do not blame the world for boredom. Blame yourself. For you are not poet enough to call forth it's riches. Rilke.

In response to molly and niki: I don't have it, it's never been part of my world, but I'm surrounded by it.

Everybody's got the right to be happy....

Been listening to Assassins today (Everybody's got the right). The musical covers the motives behind presidential assassinations, and it's just so interesting.

Tomorrow I continue working on the pointillist piece (now that I have a middle green thanks luke), and I'm hoping to present it to STAC.

After Romanticism, I was going to work on a Romantic art piece with Hansel and Gretel. What's more Romantic that putting them on a path in the woods with a lantern and scary trees visually blocking the path at every end? Hopefully quill and ink.

Thumbnail and other doodles. The thumbnail isn't the first, it's planned. Cept the fallen tree should be more scary. Hansel's dropping the shining stones... I don't even know if he does that. The path is on the side of a slope, up on their left and down on their right. The pic doesn't really show that.

"Pilfered Waistcoat". Girl getting clothes from the remains of Princes... from a lot earlier in the year. The prince-killing princess. On the right is a version from last summer.

'insatiably curious'. that's a goodun.

The nostalgia has kicked in from college apps and portfolios.

I have to make the DEAD LIST, deadlines for everything and how they want the portfolio served. Hard copy with a side of fries? On a CD with some crispix? Perhaps skewered and smoked over an applewood fire.

CalArts wants an artist statement. I have an idea and I've written one before. "I do art to understand people around me. And maybe through that understanding, I'll understand me." I don't want to label myself, I don't want to be close-minded. I want to be insatiably curious. I think that's what I am.

The storm is... calming...

I haven't drawn anything I would put up here. If anything, there's the picture of objects ("still-life" is not a word anymore.) from school. I was thinking of adding a sky in the background, for some sizing effect and surrealism.

Fuerza-bruta. Life and death, Male and Female, breaking away from it all. There was so much balance, and so much beauty in that show. And it was full of good, simple ideas. Each idea was introduced, had its wonderful moment, and had its own ending. It was the best crew work I've ever seen. The only rival in my mind would be Cirque du Soliel, Corteo, but that's more 'circus' that 'theater', so it's another monster.

Afterwords, people kept going 'I've gotta see it again!'. I don't want to. I don't want to know what's gonna happen. I had a wonderful experience, and I want Fuerza-Bruta to remain in my memory as is. I like how you are allowed to be in the group, and it is safe in the 'group' of spectators. They let us be that.

I have to write a letter to myself, that will be sent in 5 years. I want to handwrite it, and I want to put everything in it.

Been looking at the art of other people making calarts portfolios. It's really interesting to see other people's art, and I'm glad I'm not so far behind.