video games

I have found Railroad Tycoon II, and I have installed it on the ancient XP in the basement. THe good news is that the basement is where the exercise equipment is. The bad news is that television is horrible and I shouldn't watch it. Even history channel feels like a horrible joke, exploiting mental illnesses and having ghost shows.

I've also been playing Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on a borrowed DS, until I find out what's wrong with mine and try to fix it.

I also must clean the Christmas-present mess from my room. I received a lot of things that secured my place in the kitchen, and I'm not ungrateful.

Some crazy part of me really likes going to bed at 12:34am. It just feels correct in an odd way. I've been sleeping something like 9 or 10 hours every night, amazing. I am remembering my strange dreams more and more.

Welcome to the beginning of the end.

Finals are coming. And I have the privilege to do 3 final projects on the same day. That day is also my anniversary.

In un-finals-related news, we have been covering mirrors, reflections, refractions, glass, all sorts of fun things. We covered ray-trace and depth map shadows. The still below is from a rendering of my Thanksgiving-homework, a showcase of my work.

The bottle is supposed to have a label on it, the 'background' is cheap and not lit well, the ray-trace shadows are grainy. The bottle also doesn't have the refractions that (I think) will make it look like it has a shell rather than a thin layer outside a darker layer. And there are no bump maps on anything.

In the spare un-school-related news, I've been excitedly following the 2012 republican debate. When I registered up to vote, the card my parents got in the mail said that I'm a registered conservative. I tried to register as 'nothing' or 'other' or 'independent', I don't want to be part of a party this early in my life.

In less serious news, my hair is purple again! A skunk-stripe of purple. It's the very top layer of my hair.

But at the same time. I've been in the computer labs (loosely) from 9am-12pm, 4pm-11pm. I'm looking forward to baking cookies tomorrow morning.

A little catch-up

STACnight. Congrats to the kids who put on an amazing preformance. I heard a lot of "I wish I could have done that" from my fellow alum, and overall, it proved to the parents and the visitors what a compassionate group of kids can do.
It was one of the best, if not the best, STACnight I've been to. It's also my fifth.

At the show, I was asked "are you happy at Pratt". I'm not happy at home. I'm happy when I'm busy. I don't miss the smokers and hipsters and film majors (sometimes all at the same time), but I miss the work.
I'm up to... I think today is #55 of my self-portraits. I don't think I've really seen improvement, but I know that I have to do it every day. I finished a small first sketchbook and started on a new one, which I dislike because felt-tipped pens seep through. I don't think anyone else actually cares about that.
The self-portraits give me 10 minutes a day to think about forming a positive and healthy relationship with my body. To believe, when I am alone, that I am beautiful, or quirky, or interesting, or that I just have big eyes. But I rarely feel ugly. I get down if a pair of jeans doesn't fit the way I'd like it to, but I have a lot of jeans, and I have time.
I have time. I don't know what to do with it. But I have it.
If that was the description of an object, I would throw it out.

I keep going back and forth on my personal religious beliefs. It is very hard to develop a religious opinion without the help of media, ministers, and parents. I don't like religious politics. I like moral lessons through ancient example. I like looking past and understanding context of texts. I hate when religion and politics cross in America.

The third: What I learned in college. Year 1.

Time is fluid. I often had many projects to work on for a week, and I had to figure out when I would do them, and fit this around constants. I have a painting due in a week and I'm not doing anything Monday night so I can get it done then but the homework for Wednesday needs to get done Tuesday morning so that I have time Tuesday evening to do Friday's homework. After weeks and weeks of thinking like this, I don't think in any other way.

High school did not prepare me for this time scheduling because if we had homework, it was probably due the next day. I think this forces procrastination. I think this evolution of thinking about time happened when I realized that if I get something done sooner, I don't worry about it.

I realized that as much as I dreaded my drawing class, Professor taught us how to think about the process of the drawing. It wasn't about pencil control or shapes, but about how to see the human figure from the inside out. We break down the human figure into the gesture and then simple shapes.

I learned:
How different kinds of light create color,
how to mix acrylic and oil paint,
how to create any color with the primary colors and white,
how to see color and shadow,
how to make a design interesting,
how to paint from a still life,
how to arrange a still life,
how to use InDesign, Illustrator, FinalCutPro,
how to generally use a Mac
how to mount anything on nice paper,
how to conceptualize a plan into a 3-dimentional shape,
how to cut and rip paper in a straight line,
how to quickly pack,
a decent amount of pre-1800s art history

and I don't know what else. There's a lot that's not in there.

waste of a day

Last week, I asked myself, what did I do today?

And all I could think of was, I don't remember. I don't think I did anything.

At the same time, I did many things.

But when you can't remember what you did, it feels like you wasted a whole day.

netflix, netflix, get away from me.

What have I done today? What did I try to do? What did I actually do?

I watched the Producers, The Jerk, and Burton's Batman.
I did my laundry, showed, ate meals.
I started my drawing homework but ran out of paper.
I broke my plaster mold.
I wrote a blog.
I went to the library and looked through a guide to FinalCutPro.
I painted my nails and went grocery shopping.
I drew 8+ pages of story work for a film project, which I am now debating on throwing out for a simpler, more surreal dream-sequence of a film, rather than a real story. But, why can't it be a real story.
It's because the ending. The monster roars and moans, and it's my soul that it sees.

I still have the drawing homework. I still have a rough draft of a paper due tomorrow. I don't have a thesis for it yet.
I still want to see Eyes Wide Shut, but I'm having trouble finding 2 1/2 hours of free time.
But I consider movies like my studying.
But I have schoolwork.

college reflecting

I read Michelle's blog about independency in college, and I'm thinking about how I've changed.


So, in college, I'm organized.
I've kept writing. Since October, I've kept something between a scrapbook, vignette collection, and 
I've actually started to do my homework early. Not, 5-in-the-afternoon-before-class-the-next-day early, like day-after-I-get-the-assignment early.
I'm able to keep track of all my work without an agenda book. This started last year, and it reminds me how my memory works out.
I get more than enough sleep.
I'm not eating crap. Sorry if my saltines and organic alphabet cookies are bad.
Stairs.
I'm a bit more city-smart. Not much, but a bit more.


So, for vacation:
I like my house, my family, my pets, being able to drive anywhere. But Stabile524 is my quiet piece of NYC. I'll definitely be coming back here once or twice during vacation.

LCD and its homework.

The second day of Light, Color, Design.


I realized that it's very possible that the color problems (the assignments are set up as puzzles and problems, to be solved with color) may not scan well, photograph well, or be represented well in any way on a computer screen. That won't stop me from trying, but it's still not going to be 100% accurate.


First, these are the homework projects.
#1, 3 color-studies (not actual drawings) of the same scene, at different times of day, drawn outside. From left, morning, midday, night.
#2, A 6 x 6 grid, and text that's in relation to it. This is, approximately, the floor plan of my house, and the writing tells what the colors are for. The writing also visually contextualizes the house.
#3, A random 5 x 5 grid. This wasn't graded, because "random" is impossible, but it was used as part of the lesson.

Summer Progression

I decide what I want to do this summer.


I want to read:
Dune
Wind, Sand and Stars
The Accidental Masterpiece
Some classic Asimov
Whatever people hand me. This has been working out, so far.


I want to play more video games:
Jak and Daxter
Super Mario Galaxy
Bioshock
Portal
Ratchet and Clank


I will do my own laundry.
I will organize my shit for college.
I will wear some new clothes and let go of tee shirts I've been wearing since middle school.
I will fill in my watercolor sketchbook.


I didn't realize how much my life was based on opposites until I spent a lot of time with someone who keeps a steady medium. I realize that I get excited and elated and irate and frustrated very quickly, but not usually at the same time. And it takes me longer to get out of the mindset than to be led into it by the situation.


New vocabulary, courtesy of reading Magic novels. Still not playing, though.

time, essay-drawings

I realized today that my time with stac has ended. I'm going to be crying a lot tomorrow night. I can leave the school, but stac has really really been important to me.


In other news, I've developed a visual structure for an essay.
The thesis or assertion acts as a locus point. Paragraphs are lines flowing out of it, where the length and distance of the lines represent the length of the paragraph or how far its thought process goes from the thesis. Then, paragraphs could have similar subject matter, so they would intersect.

I feel like this is a crude way to depict essay structure, mainly because I don't know a lot about structuring my writing. I wish I did.

Code Monkey, Jonathan Coultan.

I'm leaving high school. It will be done, I won't walk through the corridors the same again.
What have I left behind?
Not much.
It hasn't hit me yet. It will, though. At an inconvenient time, like the middle of class, or at graduation, or sitting in a dorm room talking about school.
But I wasn't sad at the end of Carousel, I wasn't sad when i received my CalArts portfolio back. It's over, but it's also never over, because I remember it and I've learned from it. Can't that just be my high school experience?

hyperactivity in check.

New cat. Prudence, the black, stalking, young, green-eyed, clawed creature of the night. She already knows to keep away from the 140lbs-of-crushing-jaws that is my dog.


A weekend outside of personal accomplishment. Friday biking, total of 8 miles. I went home exhausted (as an understatement), but I love biking. It's so fast, and I don't have the stamina for running. Biking down Jericho turnpike is like a dance of curves, weaving, balance. Teach me some level of grace.
     Saturday, Sands Point. Spent over an hour walking around. I sort of wish I had a horse, or there was a flock of sheep on the property. That's what Sands Point preserve feels like. There was also a sundial. Then I cleaned out my car (my car!) and screwed on the plates.
     Sunday, DDR. My eye-foot coordination, shortly, needs work. But as cardiovascular exercise, it isn't as good as it could be. I don't finish the songs breathless because I can't play hard songs.


I had drawings. I'll put them up later.

fishtank.

Weather: Tsunami.


Today starts spring drawer cleaning. At the beginning of every season (alas, we've skipped some) each kid in my family, with help from mom, goes through the drawers to take out clothes that haven't been worn or are too worn. Anything with holes in it, any bad gifts from birthdays and holidays. They all get sorted into bags and donated.


Writing this entry is also procrastination.


Listening to Plastic Beach, getting stuck on Superfast Jellyfish. Gorillaz reminds me that I'can listen to rap without imploding.


I've been looking up Pratt housing, and I'm able to keep fish.

reed-making

I've been putting this off for 6 months, but I had a lot of time today.

Bassoon reeds. Get 5 blanks done by Wednesday. You start from actual reed, and you cut it down to size, add wires, add string, use pliers, hot water, hot wax, and nail-polish. After I make the blanks, I have to trim them down slowly and carefully into playable reeds. Then, I play them, and fix them more until the reed is perfect.

And I'm making a list for the next time I have to do this, and when I eventually lose the book.

This is after shaping, marking the wires, putting on 2 out of 3 wires, before putting on the string, and after shaping. See that big crack down the middle? From the middle to the bottom, especially around the lower wire. That's not supposed to be there. Fixed with nail polish.

The reed itself next to an existing blank, and its marks. The string wrapping. An almost-finished blank. And the string, nail polish, knife, and slide-rule that was used.

I really really want to hear from colleges.

A very nice title.

I thought of a very nice title for this entry in the shower this morning, but it's gone now.
This will be in parts:
Why I haven't been writing, the nature of an Enneagram, a difficult book, and something amazing.


I haven't been writing because I've been out of my house. I'm working on the musical, I'm at the movies, I'm at Zach's. And when I'm at home, I'm working in my room. I have started breaking away, becoming separate than my family. I've been thinking in terms of 'when I have my own place' and 'then we could drive there' and 'maybe there will be a dog'. There isn't a big life plan about fame and fortune. I'll be married with a little apartment and money will be okay but tight and I'll be an animator with a steady job, maybe even with health benefits. Isn't this what's going to happen?


I've also been thinking about language. I still don't comprehend. For example, if I were to choose between sending a telepathic thought in language (speech, the picture of written word), or in a set of pictures, feelings, and experiences, I would choose the latter. There are so many things that I don't have words for, and there are so many things that I feel, that all I can do sometimes is repeat.


I am a 1w9, and in order, 1, then 8, then 4, then 9. 8, 9, and 1 are all in the same area. 1: the Reformer, the Perfectionist. Details, flaw-noticing, fear of being evil. Hate not having some sense of personal control, an innate need to improve (based on flaws), and are emotionally repressed (as a result of the self-control). And there's a sense of organization, ambition, and overall self-reliance.


I like some of this, and I don't like some of this. This year I've been fighting the giant monster of criticism, of being extremely driven, and I considered these aspects as evil. It's a case of the Reformer's traits eating each other. I don't want to be overly critical and I don't want to fight to win every moment of my life, and I want to think differently. So, I think I may understand how an Enneagram is like a tool for change. Core value used here: Movement.


The unhealthy Reformer is like an unhealthy Romantic (4): moody. The thriving Reformer is like a healthy Enthusiast (7): happy. That's pretty much right.


When you have an idea of who you are, look at what other people are, and then realize that you don't look at the world like that, and that you almost don't realize that people live their whole lives quite differently than you do.


A difficult book and something amazing.
I have Letters to a Young Poet- Rilke, and The Accidental Masterpiece- Kimmelman. There's also a book on Pixar Business, which I don't expect to be philosophical. And there is also a science/art book to research. Or, I can just try to read them all.


Something amazing. I would love to do a big big project, but we've tried that idea for the last two years of Stac, and it doesn't work. I know I need to do something. I would love to not do an AP Art portfolio, save $86, and animate something. A walk. An 11-second sound clip.


I haven't heard back from any colleges, so I'm in limbo. I have done what I needed to do with the college forms, and now I don't know if my big goal, CalArts, has been reached or not. And I can't stand still. A great treadmill.

This should be 248.

working towards 250.


7:30am wake up
Mom drives into the city, we meet family friends, and we drive home.
2:45pm crawl into house.
No sleeping in tomorrow, either.


Yesterday was a party, and in the middle of it I get the call that my dog has run away. The whole party and half the neighborhood ran around looking for this small cow for an hour. I was saved from having to be pleasantly social. We found him in a few blocks from the house. Thanks to everyone who helped.


Making my CalArts portfolio today. I won't freak out. Magazine design has helped me a bit.

Major accomplishment checked off the list.

The People's Veto of LD 1020 (The Equality Law) in Maine.
3,769 words.
386 lines.
14 pages.
71 paragraphs.
78 separate citations within the paper.
I believe this is the latest I've stayed up this year on a weekday. I'm still a little hyper. But I'm really focused. I guess... I just sleep now. I thought I would pull and all-nighter at least once in my high school career, but I guess I don't have to.

bugzlabo

In writing my CalArts essay, I came to a wall: how can I describe myth in my life? Complete and total? Permeated my being? It's a presence, all the time, but it's not an obsession. I can think about my next meal and think about where I am in several quests in the same minute. It's not filtered as different.


This is a checklist for today.
Laundry.
Dinner.
Shower.
Post.
Type up some CalArts essay.
Copy and rewrite TEASe Me from previous post.
Come up with a couple of formats for the article.
Finish Neuroscience outline.
Type up B-Movie STAClive Commercial script.

Anyone ever heard of SimTunes? Before the Sim games of building houses and lives, there were Sim game, like SimLife and SimAnt, and SimTunes. SimTunes blends art and music by color-coding each note. Some of the example songs were pretty cool.

I went to my first tea house today. MoJoe's. Red Velvet tea (raspberry goodness) and a tea called Zzz, which is chamomile and lavender. It tastes like how lavender smells, so my head is not back to where it was before the tea.


I'm looking for an alternative version of the song Fathoms Below, from the Little Mermaid.

There's gloom and doom while things go boooommmm..... in Dexter's Lab!!

I want to cook on halloween. Chicken soup and pork and garlic bread and pumpkin muffins. And I don't want to use a recipe for them. It'll be practice for thanksgiving. I don't really have anything else to do. Anyone can come over, if they want. It'll be a regular dinner party.

The best thing about making the movies, I think, is that there weren't any big egos getting in the way. That has definitely happened before. I thought the chronological shooting worked better for us- we understood the story better. I don't understand how anyone can shoot a film unsynchronized without a storyboard telling them what to do next. I can't wait to work in a new film group.

Been working on a scifi epic that keeps me busy. I'm working with the history, starting from a Mars-colony revolution. My basic concept is that history repeats itself, broadly, and space travel will make time longer. Now, everything in instantaneous. But in Middle Earth, Boromir travels a hundred days to Rivendell. This change in the perception of time is important. It's like different planets in the future are different countries in Europe in the middle ages.

I have a lot of information I don't have opportunities to use.