What have I been up to

I didn't do a lot of art over the summer.
I did a lot of talking to people, and I started making sure that my body was okay from the sorry state I was in during the school year.

I started a job as a Tour Guide on my campus, which was wonderful and fun and nervewracking and awesome.
I got to be a homework mentor for my school's precollege program, which means helping and hanging out with 15-17-year-old comic book geeks. That worked out pretty nicely.
And lastly, in the week before school I was part of Orientation again.
And I started feeling like.... maybe I'm just not that good at doing art. I mean. I'm okay.
And classes started and now I feel like.... this is what I'm doing and I can do this forever.

I cooked. I prepared food and ate healthy and started doing beginner work-outs and walking miles. I feel great.

So as a last note on the summer, I got much better at talking to people, I gained a little more independence, I dyed my hair bright pink. I came into school knowing a lot of people and mentally prepared for the year.

I'll add drawings when I can scan them.

visits

Yesterday, I went home for the first time since Saturday. I borrowed the minivan, drove it badly, and went to stores for the last things I need. And I realized that out of everything, I was myself again. I was calm, relaxed. I've been so tense, because I've either been with 750+ people or alone.


I'm excited for classes. People are going to be better than me, and although it's frightening to think about that, I know that by the end of the year I'll be able to draw anything.

fin

LIZY is surfing on a picnic table, through the flooded mud marsh that once was Herricks High School field.


LIZY is getting water and milk for herself and ZACH.


LIZY and ZACH talk about something, and LIZY ends up spilling water exactly in ZACH's lap.


LIZY runs to get paper towels. ZACH runs upstairs to change. LIZY fights back stupid tears that she fucked up again. ZACH comes back down. LIZY runs into the back room after cleaning up the mess and tries to hide in a pillow.


The pillow smells like vanilla oil and soft things, and LIZY watches Law and Order to stop thinking about all the events she was never careful about. By the time ZACH comes in, LIZY has settled down. ZACH offers himself for a hug, LIZY tries to hide in his armpit.


LIZY
"Sorry for blowing up like this."
ZACH
"It was only a glass of water, Hun."
LIZY
"But it was, like, the breaking point of everything. Sorry for falling apart like this."
ZACH
"Hun, stop apologizing, it's okay."
LIZY
"Sorry. Oh. Nevermind."
ZACH
"Now, help me with the pots?"


LIZY gets off the couch and starts putting the pots and dishes in the dishwasher.

Mr. Morton walks down the street. Mr. Morton walks.

LIZY pulls up to the house, parking badly.

LIZY opens car door and gets out of the car, taking her book.

LIZY starts calling ZACH from the sidewalk, even though the front door is open, because LIZY knows that walking into a house unannounced is rude.

ZACH is already there, opening the door. LIZY walks in.

LIZY starts taking off her shoes, because LIZY knows that they do not like dirty shoes walking around the house, especially on the new carpet.

ZACH says that bringing a book is rude.

ZACH
"You don't being a book to someone's house when you're going to hang out with them!"
LIZY
"I don't think it's rude. We may end up at separate ends of the couch."

ZACH shakes his head a bit and shows LIZY the computer room, where he is playing Team Fortress 2, one of LIZY's favorite games. ZACH directs LIZY to a desktop computer tower.

LIZY
"Sit on a computer?"
ZACH
"Yeah."

LIZY agrees, but is not comfortable. LIZY puts her forehead on ZACH's soft shoulder and watches ZACH try to find a server to play on.

LIZY tries to help, but is talking too much, and puts her forehead on ZACH's shoulder again.

The computer freezes. LIZY tries to list the ingredients needed for burritos while ZACH is waiting for the computer to restart.

ZACH tells LIZY to be quiet.

ZACH
"Do you have to talk all the time? Do you think l before you talk?"

LIZY does not talk as much, and puts her head on ZACH's shoulder again. ZACH tells LIZY that it is annoying and she should stop.

LIZY is listing ingredients again, but in her head only.

Theories of Human Evolution

Today I met a wonderful little boy at my cousin's graduation party. He was playing something with a lacrosse stick, and charging into a garage. I asked what war his was playing in, and he said 'No war. Dinner.' It turns out that he was a paleolithic-age hunter. We had a long discussion about the different theories of human evolution and of migration patterns out of Africa.


I wish there were more people like this kid, who knew that the Neanderthals probably died out due to climate changes and that Homo erectus was the original humanoid species to leave Africa, not Homo sapien. He reminded me that I'm not exactly normal.


I am more worried about moving in with people I don't know than the other parts of college. Will I be about to have a conversation about human evolution? What about talking to people about Metropolis? Will anyone geek with me about the history of Disney animation? Or Star Trek? I know so much. So much that I'm not using during the summer.

This should be 248.

working towards 250.


7:30am wake up
Mom drives into the city, we meet family friends, and we drive home.
2:45pm crawl into house.
No sleeping in tomorrow, either.


Yesterday was a party, and in the middle of it I get the call that my dog has run away. The whole party and half the neighborhood ran around looking for this small cow for an hour. I was saved from having to be pleasantly social. We found him in a few blocks from the house. Thanks to everyone who helped.


Making my CalArts portfolio today. I won't freak out. Magazine design has helped me a bit.

< o (. .) o > oink oink

Everything's a game and I'm just playing. There are the games you have to win at, and the games you just play. And there's another level, when you make win-games into play-games because of the losing part. It may be the 'i don't want to grow up' mentality of seniors. I don't know. It's damn good fun.


My social skills have hit the wall of the Twilight Zone, where events from four years ago can repeat, and you have that second chance, and shit better turn out right this time.


The PiGgie isn't quite cooked. I have to describe how Maine makes a law, how the people veto that law, and make sure i prove my these. And I added an 'overdone' bar to the graph. Glad the AP Bio graph-making skills are being used.

concerts and consistancies.

There are a lot of things. First, is that I went to my first real concert. 4 bands played, but people went to see Ludo. I've been to Peter Paul and Mary concerts, I've been to Warped tour, but this was a nice room with really decent people. Everyone sang every song ludo played. And I feel like I learned a lot about lighting from the stage.

I was singing along with this soft song, Topeka, and afterwards this girl in front of me turns around and says 'you have a beautiful voice'. And I was like 'umm... thanks'. It was unexpected, but it actually made me feel good.

At Penn station afterwards, i witnessed a young guy trying to ask out this woman, but apparently she only spoke spanish. He said 'you know, only 30% of what I'm saying is words', which i was gonna high-five him for. She didn't understand a word, politely walked off to her train.

People smile because there's danger. Because in apes, when you show teeth, it means there's danger. That's why men like slapstick- it's physical danger. I don't know where the joy is from, but I've started using a smile to show that something's wrong. I want to see who will get it.

listening to music for the feeling of it.

I take sociology, psychology, and economics. my other classes are ART. A lot of times, the academics blend together. I think I understand sociology more than psychology. I can trust the predictability of a large group of people, not a single person.

Back in middle school I think I went through a phase that would have been emo if I'd come out of the introspective bubble. I was just lost in the sea of Middle School politics and didn't have the skills to understand people. On some level, I could say to myself "Isn't it great that I'm unique?". On another level, not being part of your own society felt unnatural.

In high school, I started drawing a lot. People. People are so interesting. I found a great book on basic nonverbal cues. I got better at drawing and seeing and recognizing cues. I'm still working on it. Try understanding the intricacies of conversation: how to start and end, how to break away, how to subtly hint at things. There are so many social things I still have to learn.

As an artist, this is my Golden rule.

NEVER PUT DOWN YOUR OWN WORK.

How many people break that rule? Too many.

ride of the rohirrim

listening to: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King soundtrack. in order.

party drawings. People were interesting. from top left, clockwise: half-eaten cake, flowergirl, dancing waiter holds up coffee, gramma hides from loud music in her jacket, girl with sack-dress, big guy wuth martini, the dancing waiter!, small girl dancing, lady with an interesting smile, guy's profile, second profile, fail at a front view, side comment guy, the lady behind me with interesting hair, the Cake, another small child, and a drink.

Also: the priest (either puerto rican or taiwanese) and the centerpiece.

I did my best to mingle and talk during cocktail hour. I think i made a fool out of myself, but I'm better as a support person in social situations. I helped gramma get through conversations (she'll forget about things she said 3 sentences ago). The hor d'oerves were pretty nice.

where do you go when it gets dark? and is there room for me there?

listening to: something medieval. iTunes on shuffle, you never know. "Prevent Us, O Lord" from cd Musick for Elisabeth (the shakespeare one).

made oat-almond-zucchini muffins, that were'nt that bad. Not as bad as they sound, anyways.

staked the tomatoes. bushes and bushes. also got to trip a lot of the garden and spray the powdery mildew-ridden squash with a milk solution. i don't know if it works, but I don't want to lose a zucchini crop two years in a row.

Art with Ganes from school, with his mustache. it's basically art class from school with a different group of kids. The kids are generally nicer- nicer than FIT girls. And there's at least one kid who has better drawing skills than me, which is great.

There is a nice pair of styrofoam legs that will be the center of my piece. I'm trying to throw conventional proportions behind me. And I wanted the background just to be black, but that will not sit for the Ganes.

the room is rearranged, the computer is back together.

FIT SUMMER CLASS:

REAL figure drawing! yes! And wait a sec- actual friends? this is quite an interesting experience, blah blah blah no seriously wow my social skills are lagging. But appearantly, I'm one of the more experienced drawers in the class.

the teacher collects drawings, so each night I'll have to load photos here. Some came out a lot better than others.

NYC AND THE ZOO:

New York City has so many tourists. The group psychology is amazing. There are so many languages- just today, there were families speaking in Spanish Spanglish Italian (methinks) Czech? Japanese, Germanic something. And there was a Scottish couple and an Irish grannie and a Southern family. And I'll never forget the black kid that walked up to me and goes "Whatcha doin'?", in total City fashion (the answer was "drawin' ").

I know the animals after 8 hours at the Central Park Zoo. There aren't that many, and I mostly like drawing birds. So fast, but all with the same basic shapes. Plus I learn more bird anatomy every Thanksgiving (vegetarians cringe).

My favorite favorite bird is the Long-Tailed Hornbill. Parrots are just silly compared to the personalities of these. I swear, they pose for pictures. The picture on the Wiki site is one of the Central Park birds.

long day.

morning: pulling flags from Veteran Cemetary with my brothers' boy scout troop, at like 8am. Learned a lot of names. Avoided a lot of spiders.

geekout: there were two spanish american war veteran gravestones.

problem: after a few years, walking through a graveyard doesnt bother me.

afternoon: went to two libraries and read the local church bulletin, which is usually hilariously bias.

geekout: found a Hans Christian Anderson story book in the library, with pictures of Anderson's cutouts.

problem: the bulletin was about the Holy Spirit-as fire and air- being the forces that 'shapes landscapes' and 'pulls the boat across the sea'. in short, it was about male (fire and air) triumphing over female (earth and water). it still bothers me that the priest used the elements and pagan symbols to get his point across.

night: carnival is in a local parking lot. everything is overpriced.

geekout: there was a spinning ride that looked a lot like a UFO, and i remembered all the SciFi theories for gravity- having an inflated spinning doughnut.

problem: felt disconnected from crowd- lots of the rides were swinging-based, and no matter how many Gs, they were really calming. most of the other people were screaming.

it's okay to be angry at people, but you have to do something about it. right now im at the point in the school year when no one wants to do anything, and I'm doing so many things I love. Mostly art things. And just no one around me is motivated, and its frustrating when I need cooperation from these people to get things done. i want to do it all myself and look back at them and say You didn't care.

i want to fell bad for them, but i dont. and it's okay that you can be angry.

from the Imagineering book: "No show is better than a bad show."

literally 'shades of black' for color mural. umm, the colors transition into black eventually. and theres no transition within the black tiles. the circles just felt right.

monster, phoneless, not fair

all-state scores came out today.

in the most childish, whining voice possible: IT'S NOT FAIR.

why should someone get a higher score than me for not doing nearly as much work? why should people not work for something, win, and be praised for it? this is terrible and IT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE. its in every profession and with anyone you work with.

and today was spent doing so many things so that i wouldn't have to think about it. a B+ is a good score, but its not progress from last year. and grades are terrible- they sum up time and energy into a little letter that means too much. and it's not like i have people chasing me around to work on things- i have my own standards and they are too high.

but i have things to work on.

microwaved chocolate cake works out better than i ever thought it would. all i have to do now is figure out a way to make it in the stac microwave. thats gonna be on may 12th, after the ap bio test.

mexico was hit hard this week, with swine flu and press and now an earthquake. the good thing, i guess, about all these outbreaks (mersa, swine flu, avian virus, e. coli) is that america is now fully prepared to deal with the inevitable supervirus of the 7th extinction.

my phone decided to disappear a few days ago. probably thursday or friday. i should be more worried, but im not. there are some people who would be going through epileptic shock at this moment. the only thing im worried about is that i'll miss a babysitting call/job opportunity, or that i wont remember a number. i should keep an external addressbook anyways.

there was a part of the book ive been reading for a few months where MainCharacter and Nemesis-Child teleport randomly onto a beach. He finds some gold things and pockets them. Then there's this monster who goes to attack him for stealing. but the monster like.. has a floral and beautiful scent that takes over your vision, too, so the Nemesis-Child gets confused. MainCharacter puts up telepathic blocks. the creature, in its description, looks nothing like what i drew/painted. there is some visual confusion around his left shoulder, and the profile drawing should really have a more muscular back, but i don't know the muscles of the back very well. too.. anthropomorphic, overall.

i have a good 6 hours of biology hw to do. about 1500 words. i would be fretting, but im not. on some sick level, ecology is interesting. plus i intend to vex the teacher with humans for 'animal examples'. she doesnt like that much.

allstate, bassoon day, kitchen experiments

all-state went fine. in terms of performance, I did a lot better than the last two years. I doubt I'll make it, but that's not my concern anymore. i got my scales right, i played a decent solo, and i bombed the sight reading. now back to designing and drawing and making.

started impromtu-cooking/baking/frying. it's not exactly learning how to cook, its more like experimenting with working without a recipe. and staying generally out of the region of kraft's mac and cheese, and adding some flax for Omega-3s, using heat in different forms. i'm trying to understand... the basic happenings of cooking and baking and general flavor. it definately beats making rice for dinner.

i finally got a copy of 'Bassoon Reed Making: An Illustrated Basic Manual by Christopher Weait. i got to meet him at bassoon day, and his wife had a table with crafts. Mr. Fox, from Fox bassoons, was there with some new models. he had one of the teachers play each different model, explain the differences (this one has more baritone sound, this one more tenor).

and i got to interact with people my own age. i even started and kept up a conversation.

started cleaning out the craft supply store under the bed. found a heavy home depot givecard. it will hopefully go towards a cheap drill set.

by 'today' i mean 'friday'. days should be broken up by sleep, not by As and Ps.

the nick workshop was mildly uneventful. im glad he's back, but i need to be where i was when he left. i need to know my film backwards and forwards, revise the script if it needs it. it probably will need revision. two films at once is a little overwhelming, but ill get past that.

ok, so 4 events happened afterschool.

i passed the first party i didnt belong at.

i saw Milk

i passed the second party i didnt belong at.

and i passed the third party i didnt belong at.

the first party had a few friends in it, but people who were enemies of some of my other friends. they were going one way and i was going another. i said hi, and denied their invitation. but i was invited somewhere, even if it could have caused social tension.

i saw Milk with the other friends. i felt like i should have known a lot of the history of that movie. I should watch it again now that i have the history, to get a fuller inpact. i loved being able to see the little directions in the movie- how one character would follow the other out of the shot, the use of mirror-shots in general were amazing.

i was walking home from walking a friend home, and i passed a party that was finishing. it seemed to be a harmless, rowdy preteen party. but people were shouting on a suburban street at past 11, and getting up on bikes to go home in the cold. it was a little scary. preteens shouldnt be out at all hours, even for a party. party here = 10+ people.

the street i live on has four families with teens living on it. my neighbors are the partying type, and there were girls sitting on the porch talking about other people. and boy did i want to be a part of them. not the clothes, but just to join in a conversation. to listen and observe them speak. but i kept my head forward and crossed to my house. i dug out my keys and kept my head down. it sometimes worries me that my mom doesn't call.

theres this interesting thing about walking past an orange streetlamp. first, things just get bright and you realize you're walking through the shadows of the trees in front of you. then your shadow appears beside you, quickly migrates to the front, and gets longer oh so slowly until i disappears into the sidewalk. then its dark. then you see the upcoming light again.