at an uneven number. I've left the 'party' and my cat is in my lap. But there are some things that should happen in 2012, especially before summer.
I should start a series. Comic, blog, tumblr, whatever, I should serialize something. College cooking, perhaps. Political cartoons. Anything.
I should be able to drive on highways.
That is all. I'll say that it's an okay 2012 attempt.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
video games
I have found Railroad Tycoon II, and I have installed it on the ancient XP in the basement. THe good news is that the basement is where the exercise equipment is. The bad news is that television is horrible and I shouldn't watch it. Even history channel feels like a horrible joke, exploiting mental illnesses and having ghost shows.
I've also been playing Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on a borrowed DS, until I find out what's wrong with mine and try to fix it.
I also must clean the Christmas-present mess from my room. I received a lot of things that secured my place in the kitchen, and I'm not ungrateful.
Some crazy part of me really likes going to bed at 12:34am. It just feels correct in an odd way. I've been sleeping something like 9 or 10 hours every night, amazing. I am remembering my strange dreams more and more.
I've also been playing Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on a borrowed DS, until I find out what's wrong with mine and try to fix it.
I also must clean the Christmas-present mess from my room. I received a lot of things that secured my place in the kitchen, and I'm not ungrateful.
Some crazy part of me really likes going to bed at 12:34am. It just feels correct in an odd way. I've been sleeping something like 9 or 10 hours every night, amazing. I am remembering my strange dreams more and more.
Friday, December 23, 2011
15 more would just be pointless
I have finished my Christmas-shopping. Gift-giving is pretty exciting, but I always don't know if what I get is okay. I think, this year, I did well.
The more I am out of the house, the less I eat. I also don't snack nearly as much as I remember I did. The other day I even got to use the stationary bike for a while, which was nice. It feels great to get moving.
After two nights of air-mattress sleeping, I've decided to go back to my bed.
I'm not quite sure where I am right now, but I don't yearn to be home. There are people I like to see, but I'd rather be at school, even though I don't know people there as well as I know my friends back home.
The more I am out of the house, the less I eat. I also don't snack nearly as much as I remember I did. The other day I even got to use the stationary bike for a while, which was nice. It feels great to get moving.
After two nights of air-mattress sleeping, I've decided to go back to my bed.
I'm not quite sure where I am right now, but I don't yearn to be home. There are people I like to see, but I'd rather be at school, even though I don't know people there as well as I know my friends back home.
Friday, December 16, 2011
sleep in
I got to sleep in!
If by sleeping in you mean that I got to wake up at 630am, wake my roommate up, and wake up every hour after that from a nightmare made of anxieties from normal life. I'll try again after.
Today is an easy, cleaning type of day. The floor has been vacuumed, mopped, and swifter-swept. The dishes are done (more or less). And the pudding is in the freezer ^__^.
I'd like to eat animal cracker sandwiches with frozen pudding middles to celebrate the end of the semester. (Such a dry floor resident.)
If by sleeping in you mean that I got to wake up at 630am, wake my roommate up, and wake up every hour after that from a nightmare made of anxieties from normal life. I'll try again after.
Today is an easy, cleaning type of day. The floor has been vacuumed, mopped, and swifter-swept. The dishes are done (more or less). And the pudding is in the freezer ^__^.
I'd like to eat animal cracker sandwiches with frozen pudding middles to celebrate the end of the semester. (Such a dry floor resident.)
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I think I've done it.
One of the biggest things for next semester is tackling this procrastination.
I believe this will start with a better dish-washing routine.
Right now, my turntable for 3D modeling is rendering. It's rendering very quickly, actually. I may have done something wrong. I learned how to render animations 3 hours ago. I'll post the turntable when I'm done. Tomorrow, maybe. And I want to post my animation, even though I'm not proud of it. I should be, but I'm not.
Just keep playing that calm music and breathe and it'll be over soon.
I believe this will start with a better dish-washing routine.
Right now, my turntable for 3D modeling is rendering. It's rendering very quickly, actually. I may have done something wrong. I learned how to render animations 3 hours ago. I'll post the turntable when I'm done. Tomorrow, maybe. And I want to post my animation, even though I'm not proud of it. I should be, but I'm not.
Just keep playing that calm music and breathe and it'll be over soon.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
a long, abusive day
This is a post that shall serve me later in life.
Today was my first set of real finals. Or, more aptly, almost-finals. Today I showed work, almost complete, not complete enough.
Today I saw what I should have done two or three weekends ago.
I almost choked up with the pressure and the futility, but then I just became... It's a fight. You fight until the very end not to choke, not to twitch or fidget or jitter, and you laugh at whatever small joke you can, but you know that the judgement in the room is a blanket over the community that we try to create as people of the same major.
and then my half-finished animation was shown.
It's like reading aloud a rough draft of an essay in front of a class, not just handing it in.
and in the end I just mentally moved on to the next impossible challenge, an art history exam.
and in two days I have everything due.
and could I ever be friends with these people? I see them. I see their biting remarks and weaknesses, they all have different ticks and problems and unresolved issues. We all come out in the art (even though we hide it). It feels as if all of the niches have been filled in these social groups/cliques around me.
It isn't futile. It's just difficult. And I always feel that I can work harder, but lately I've been reaching the 'Screw it' point. It's at night, when you just have no will to move on. My most recent one was at 530am, after some sleep, when I thought to myself, I will not be able to finish this animation even if I worked very hard right now for four hours. And I went back to sleep for an hour.
What have I learned this semester? I've learned beginnings, and they are always the hardest part.
Later, I'm sure, I'll have my lists of things to do next semester.
Today was my first set of real finals. Or, more aptly, almost-finals. Today I showed work, almost complete, not complete enough.
Today I saw what I should have done two or three weekends ago.
I almost choked up with the pressure and the futility, but then I just became... It's a fight. You fight until the very end not to choke, not to twitch or fidget or jitter, and you laugh at whatever small joke you can, but you know that the judgement in the room is a blanket over the community that we try to create as people of the same major.
and then my half-finished animation was shown.
It's like reading aloud a rough draft of an essay in front of a class, not just handing it in.
and in the end I just mentally moved on to the next impossible challenge, an art history exam.
and in two days I have everything due.
and could I ever be friends with these people? I see them. I see their biting remarks and weaknesses, they all have different ticks and problems and unresolved issues. We all come out in the art (even though we hide it). It feels as if all of the niches have been filled in these social groups/cliques around me.
It isn't futile. It's just difficult. And I always feel that I can work harder, but lately I've been reaching the 'Screw it' point. It's at night, when you just have no will to move on. My most recent one was at 530am, after some sleep, when I thought to myself, I will not be able to finish this animation even if I worked very hard right now for four hours. And I went back to sleep for an hour.
What have I learned this semester? I've learned beginnings, and they are always the hardest part.
Later, I'm sure, I'll have my lists of things to do next semester.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Still going for more posts
Light-box working in my room. I planned to take a nap last night, and didn't get out of bed till 630 this morning. Ugh.
Less than 100 sheets of blank paper, and I have something like 20 seconds of animation to do in a weekend. At least the hole-puncher is free on monday.
In the meantime, I have work in every other class. So I'll get that done.
Less than 100 sheets of blank paper, and I have something like 20 seconds of animation to do in a weekend. At least the hole-puncher is free on monday.
In the meantime, I have work in every other class. So I'll get that done.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
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