This is about the end of stac.

It took me a while to finally be able to make a statement. Here it is.

I came into stac not knowing myself, and I'm leaving stac understanding more about who I am, where I am, where I want to be. These were the most important parts of my time in stac, but not all of them are stac-related, but a lot are. Kevin did a figure drawing workshop with us. He specifically told me I should do more figure drawing. I was a lead in "You Can't Take It with You". I drew myself. First my face, and I realized that I realized how much I hated when people degraded their art. Then my body, and I let my hair down for the first time in about three years, and become more comfortable with a more realistic body image. I made a mural, mostly by myself, and it was finished on time. I learned textural painting from Cathryn. I learned painting and drawing techniques in my first art class with Ganes. I started this blog. I went into the city by myself every morning for two weeks to take classes in figure drawing, then drew zoo animals in the afternoon. I got obsessed with CalArts. I fell in love with a 6'3" heavy metal muppet I went into the city to take figure drawing on Spring Street, in a quiet basement with creepy old men. It was weird to draw with crayons, because it was not 'professional', but I still like that quiet basement. We did Enneagrams twice, and currently I'm a 1, the perfectionist. I did a lot of work on Carousel. I did not make it into CalArts. I finished the AP art course. It was good that I had to finish pieces, but bad that I didn't have a lot of room to experiment. I got into Pratt Institute, for a BFA in Film (Animation Concentration), with a hefty scholarship. I'm still not sure why I got a scholarship, and I would like to know if it was my blog or my art or my writing or something else. After not being comfortable with my college choice, I visited Pratt, and took a tour. On the wall of an animation workspace, there was a line from a CalArts student film, and I knew that everything was connected. I'm still a bit scared about college. I got a facebook, to stay in contact with high school, but from a distance. I haven't cried about the end of stac since, well, the end of stac. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I'm still letting go. This is who i am, or who i have become, or a mixture. It's the parts of me I love and the parts I don't like. Now i have to figure out how i fit in the world with this, how i need to change or how i resist changing.      I think that's what college will be like for me. I think it will be hard at first, because i won't know what to do or how to work, where things are, or who to ask for help. But once I make these issues be helpful to me, then, I think, I'll be better off.