I haven't been here for a while, mainly because I found facebook, and I'm busy fretting about not doing anything.

But, I'm a bit worried for college. It's uncertain, and that makes me nervous. Today, I cooked potatoes, baked brownies, drove, went on an exercise bike, and tied yarn around clothes hangers. I'm still nervous, so I've started marking my brush collection with nail-polish. If this is not enough, I'll continue making a new sketchbook, or I'll paint, or I'll continue weaving a friendship bracelet.

All I can do to keep me from pulling my hair out. Hand-repetition calms me. I wish I could make a job out of that.

Prof. Layton, keeping my brain working.
Driving, keeping me on my toes.
Cooking, keeping me alive.
Now all i need to a set-up of my watercolor set, and to finish making the sketchbook for them.

Dream Log

I've been keeping a dream log, to keep track of anything interesting. Vivid dreams represents the outer limits of my imagination, so I like to write down the places where they happen, whatever I remember about the feelings or the circumstances, the characters and plots.

Theories of Human Evolution

Today I met a wonderful little boy at my cousin's graduation party. He was playing something with a lacrosse stick, and charging into a garage. I asked what war his was playing in, and he said 'No war. Dinner.' It turns out that he was a paleolithic-age hunter. We had a long discussion about the different theories of human evolution and of migration patterns out of Africa.


I wish there were more people like this kid, who knew that the Neanderthals probably died out due to climate changes and that Homo erectus was the original humanoid species to leave Africa, not Homo sapien. He reminded me that I'm not exactly normal.


I am more worried about moving in with people I don't know than the other parts of college. Will I be about to have a conversation about human evolution? What about talking to people about Metropolis? Will anyone geek with me about the history of Disney animation? Or Star Trek? I know so much. So much that I'm not using during the summer.

Summer Progression

I decide what I want to do this summer.


I want to read:
Dune
Wind, Sand and Stars
The Accidental Masterpiece
Some classic Asimov
Whatever people hand me. This has been working out, so far.


I want to play more video games:
Jak and Daxter
Super Mario Galaxy
Bioshock
Portal
Ratchet and Clank


I will do my own laundry.
I will organize my shit for college.
I will wear some new clothes and let go of tee shirts I've been wearing since middle school.
I will fill in my watercolor sketchbook.


I didn't realize how much my life was based on opposites until I spent a lot of time with someone who keeps a steady medium. I realize that I get excited and elated and irate and frustrated very quickly, but not usually at the same time. And it takes me longer to get out of the mindset than to be led into it by the situation.


New vocabulary, courtesy of reading Magic novels. Still not playing, though.

This is about the end of stac.

It took me a while to finally be able to make a statement. Here it is.

I came into stac not knowing myself, and I'm leaving stac understanding more about who I am, where I am, where I want to be. These were the most important parts of my time in stac, but not all of them are stac-related, but a lot are. Kevin did a figure drawing workshop with us. He specifically told me I should do more figure drawing. I was a lead in "You Can't Take It with You". I drew myself. First my face, and I realized that I realized how much I hated when people degraded their art. Then my body, and I let my hair down for the first time in about three years, and become more comfortable with a more realistic body image. I made a mural, mostly by myself, and it was finished on time. I learned textural painting from Cathryn. I learned painting and drawing techniques in my first art class with Ganes. I started this blog. I went into the city by myself every morning for two weeks to take classes in figure drawing, then drew zoo animals in the afternoon. I got obsessed with CalArts. I fell in love with a 6'3" heavy metal muppet I went into the city to take figure drawing on Spring Street, in a quiet basement with creepy old men. It was weird to draw with crayons, because it was not 'professional', but I still like that quiet basement. We did Enneagrams twice, and currently I'm a 1, the perfectionist. I did a lot of work on Carousel. I did not make it into CalArts. I finished the AP art course. It was good that I had to finish pieces, but bad that I didn't have a lot of room to experiment. I got into Pratt Institute, for a BFA in Film (Animation Concentration), with a hefty scholarship. I'm still not sure why I got a scholarship, and I would like to know if it was my blog or my art or my writing or something else. After not being comfortable with my college choice, I visited Pratt, and took a tour. On the wall of an animation workspace, there was a line from a CalArts student film, and I knew that everything was connected. I'm still a bit scared about college. I got a facebook, to stay in contact with high school, but from a distance. I haven't cried about the end of stac since, well, the end of stac. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I'm still letting go. This is who i am, or who i have become, or a mixture. It's the parts of me I love and the parts I don't like. Now i have to figure out how i fit in the world with this, how i need to change or how i resist changing.      I think that's what college will be like for me. I think it will be hard at first, because i won't know what to do or how to work, where things are, or who to ask for help. But once I make these issues be helpful to me, then, I think, I'll be better off.

time, essay-drawings

I realized today that my time with stac has ended. I'm going to be crying a lot tomorrow night. I can leave the school, but stac has really really been important to me.


In other news, I've developed a visual structure for an essay.
The thesis or assertion acts as a locus point. Paragraphs are lines flowing out of it, where the length and distance of the lines represent the length of the paragraph or how far its thought process goes from the thesis. Then, paragraphs could have similar subject matter, so they would intersect.

I feel like this is a crude way to depict essay structure, mainly because I don't know a lot about structuring my writing. I wish I did.

WALL-E soundtrack.

Graduation. Shit man.


I went to the blood drive Friday, and I almost fainted, and it was scary. I get scared when my body is doing something I didn't tell it to.


I've started MapleStory. Sorry, world.


So on monday, I need to have
a first draft for the Turn of the Screw paper,
a final draft of my myth, which needs to be completed, renamed, and I need to look up things on TVtropes for story/characterization
a final manifesto, which I will put up, which will NOT be about being too harsh on myself